I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
