Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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