apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
