i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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