I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
