Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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