Just mADE A PArabola og urine
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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