Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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