I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
