He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
