Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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