OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
