How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
