dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
