it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
