hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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