I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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