well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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