Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
