He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
