She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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