Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize