Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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