My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
