its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
