i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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