First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
