Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
