whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
