Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
