pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
