I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
As shirtless as possible
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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