Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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