The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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