real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
