i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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