Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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