I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation