I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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