Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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