my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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