Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
