i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i drank out of a bidet.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
