dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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