there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
