This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
