Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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