explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
