dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
