i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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