I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
