If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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