Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
