I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
