I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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