Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize