if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
