the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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