At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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