Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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