Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
