Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
