Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
