I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
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You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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